At the moment, it has been 8 months since the lost of my son and during this season of mourning, I am truly learning a lot about friendship or better yet the lack of there of. It has been odd, awkward and extremely painful, having people in my life pour love, compassion and consideration into me; that only have a linear perception of me , versus those whom I have shared many views of my life.
Lately I find myself wondering if, I have spent my time thinking I have friends, and what I really have are associates. I have had to laugh at myself and all of “my ultimate wisdom” thought I was a pretty good judge of character, and in reality I have been truly naive.
What I have found during this time is that my family has stuck closer to me. During this time there has been a discover of new relationships, while leaning to appreciate the ties that I was born into. My brothers and sister text me, and my mother constantly and consistently calls me. My father randomly sends me cards to encourage me and just to let me know that I and my husband are on his mind.
I was warned in January that this was part of loss, that usually during a time of mourning you lose friendships. I would prefer just to re-categorize where people are positioned in my life, because I know I will not be here always, but while I am here, it has allowed me to see, if the ground crumbled below me, who would throw me an rope.
I have spent this time in reflection, of myself, who I trust with my heart, and who I allow in my “me” space. And it is taking months, but I am getting to the point were I am not bitter, bu I am a little hurt and a bit disappointed.
Well that is all I am going to share for today, maybe more about this on another day.
Day by Day and Moment by Moment,