Hello,

This is my very first post, so we are going to give this blogging thing a try.  My hubby has been trying to get me to blog for 3 or 4 years. So today, I say what the heck, lets go for it.   I am currently walking through one of my most difficult seasons of life that I have ever experienced. That being the lost of my first child.

As I walk out this new path that I have been placed on,i am blogging as a form of expression about my random life.  I like a variety of things and topics and anything could pop up here.  I was given a piece of  wisdom by from one of my older friends, she told me that I need to find a hobby so I did not spend my days sitting around and entertaining depression as a house guest. So I have started 2:  one being Gardening and the other Food.

I currently go to work, and come home and that is pretty much it.   I try not to venture to be around many people (unless i am out of town) right now, because it really is hard.   I find my self giving people nasty looks and being  jealous because people are happy.  I know that all of the emotions that I am going through are all parts of the healing process that I must walk through but it really does not make it any easier.

My husband and I have been married for 8 wonderful years and on the day of our 8th anniversary our little one passed away.  He was only 18 days old. Right after my little one left me, I spend the first week or so feeling like I wanted to die. All the while wonder “How I was going to make it?”, “Where do I go?” “What do, I do?”  “What just happened?”  How do I go on, What does tomorrow look like?

So everyday, I celebrate myself, because I have gotten out of bed.  I celebrate myself because I have transplanted a flower or an herb.  I celebrate myself when a dish turns out how I imagined it. I celebrate myself when I walk into a store (today I went to Costco for the first time since my loss).  and I take lots of Pictures, so on days I do not feel like I am going to make it.   I see a day I did made it.

I use to own a cat and I do own a rabbit, and from watching them, through the years,  I have developed the motto that I am currently living by,  which is “day by day and moment by moment.” With my cat, it did not matter if you had a bad day yesterday, today is a new day. With my rabbit, she can be mad at you one moment, and the next moment she is your best friend.

So I hope that you have great, days by days and moments by moments,

Estella