Jheanell

Parent 2 Parent Stories from NICU Parent

Jheanell

Shante: My name is Shante and we are having our another episode of parent to parent stories from the NICU unit. Tonight we Jenelle have with us, and he had a child out in the NICU unit . Jenelle tell us how you ended up with a child in the NICU.
And Jenelle is going to share a story of her business  name Jolie, what is really cool about Jolie story & Jheanelle story is, she has a product line named after her. And Jheanelle would you tell us how you ended up in a mixing unit.

Sure, Aaam

Jenelle :I was actually, 23 weeks 5 days pregnant & I…aam spontaneously went into labour. So, I ended up having aaa Jolie.

Obviously extremely prematurely & because she was so tiny she ended up passing few hours after she was born.

aam..so..aah…she was in ICU while she was alive it was a sure amount of time..aam..but I did had the experience in the NICU & aam..I don’t think things like that just happen. I think it’s definitely part of my bigger purpose & so I have…aam..I have been..aam..trying to figure out a way to honor her & I thought..I just kept dreaming about…doing these beauty products. So, I dropped the name & the logo…Its Ok Lord..I am just gonna listen to you do it as she says..& I am just gonna go ahead & you know put together & the response has been so high.

Aaam, so it’s been a blessing out of something that..aaa…you know that had me depressed for a really long time.

But now, I get a kind of spead awareness & help other people. So..aaa..you know I guess that what happened.

I am actually gonna go backward

Shante:You said you spontaneously delivered, did they tell you what happened to cause that spontaneous delivery?

Jenelle :aaam, to be honest

I…..I have no answers

They did…aam..they did..doing autopsy on her but she was so small, its kinda a hard to get

aam..probably the sufficient…aan..samples of things like that she needs from..aa aa baby that’s barely a pound

aa ummm, her autopsy did not tell me anything

umm… from what they…aam…saw with me everything was completely normal

so..its just one of those things that I have to kind of..let it go in terms of which happened because I was obsessed with for a very long time. Trying to figure out why why why..

And..aa…there is nothing a Doctor could tell me at this point.So…aaam..yeah…

What funny is..& I don’t want to stare looked at, we have a similar situation, when my little man was born at 26 weeks & so he good survived 18 days

But.. Yeah..and they couldn’t really give logistics & they couldn’t really tell us what happened, this why it happened, we are not just started to dig down that road to figure out…what happened.

Shante :Aaam…While, you were there. Who supported you? Who was you support basically?

Jenelle :You know it, the fa…ah…now I am getting a bit emotional..umm…

I was surrounded by so many people. I went into labor & deliver the baby at my sister’s house. Like that’s how soon it happened

Oh wow!!!

Like I was in labor all day but I did know that I was in labor.

And I actually went to the hospital twice that day & they sent me home

They told me I had a bladder infection.aaa..I had to let that go. That had me angry for a long time.

aaam…

I can imagine. But I had to…I thought that I had seen the bathroom & I heard a popping noise

my water breaking & so I was at house of my husband..Thank God

My husband was like 45 minutes away & I was feeling so sick…He’ll come & stay with me

I was at my sister’s house, my husband was there, my sister was there, her husband was there & his cousin was there

So, aa….and the house was supposed to be empty by the way..

I actually was at my sister’s house…I was supposed to plan baby shower…Oh Lord

Umm…Yes & I actually..my hospital was like 2 minutes from my sister’s house. If I was at home, I would have been an hour away from

So, it just all kind of…happened…the best way possible. I don’t..I don’t know another way to say it.

But..aaa…so I had all those people with me, I had her.

By the time my water broke, it was like a minute later that she came out. So, my husband actually delivered her, we were on my sister’s couch.

Shante:Ummm…that means….

Jenelle :Yeah, it’s a crazy..crazy…like I don’t know..like..If I don’t talk about it..My mind will trick me like it was movie…it didn’t happened.

Umm…So you know. I delivered her, the ambulance came soon after took us to the hospital. And I called my best friend that was like I had the baby & all I could her was “what – click” & she was so happy that she happen to be with a group of us. Maybe it was like 5 or 6 of us, she was so happy to be with all the girls

So, it was like..I had everyone leave my sister house then my Dad came, all my best friends came, you know 5 6 girls…

So…I literally had people who were there with me the whole time. Because it was such a crazy..umm…situations..wow…anyhow..everything kinda lined up in that way that I had lot of support

Yeah, tremendous amount of support.

Shante:What would you tell someone, who actually didn’t had that much support? What kind of wisdom would you give them?

Jenelle : I would definitely say..aaa..there are support groups…um…even if you don’t know people personally..umm..losing a baby is kind of..umm..it binds you to people…like me & you are sisters now, it does not happen to a lot of people

So, go to support group. Meet People. And you gonna bond with those people because you know this is not a everyday..Umm…it’s a unique position to be in..So, if you meet someone that happened to them then you guys are bonded like automatically, having conversations that you don’t have with other people.

You know, you’re just gonna automatically click.So I would say Support Groups..umm…If you can go in person there are support groups online..I know blogging really helped me, it kinda help me get my feelings out…aa…help with to connect with other women as well that went through similar things.

So, I would just say there support out there don’t be ashamed..Umm.. Therapy if you need it..Therapy 2 I have to do all of it…

Ha.Ha.Ha..

You know…I was in..I was in a bad shape. You know just dealing with..you know…giving birth…my child passing so soon after & then that crazy story that I told you about how everything happened.

That was lot for me to cross, it was too much…Umm so you know..I had a good support system with my husband with my friends, my family but I had to go to therapy for that extra help

Umm…you know like as I said I blogged about it, just to release all these feelings I was having..its you know..I read lot of books…Umm..so there is support out there, you can’t just be ashamed or too proud to beg for it because there are people out there that wanna help.

Shante:I love the way you said that. I am actually gonna turn the page a little. Why were you in a menthe even though she lived for a couple of hours? What was the happy or the critical moment you had?

Jenelle :Umm…I was actually hopeful the entire time, until..aaa….when the…I remembers the doctors came in…aaa….they asked everyone to leave the room except the parents.Umm…besides that…aaam…I mean she was born alive, she was like….I remember her wiggling her fingers & her toes.

And..aaa I, In my mind she was going to be fine.

Umm..In my mind I was preparing to basically live in the hospital coz she is so small, you know she’s gonna be here for a long time.

Like my spirits were actually, high the entire time till..you know.. the doctor came in & he like…aa..I need everyone to …leave for a little bit except the parents.

That’s when it kind of…hit me..like you know,it was going different than I thought.

Shante:Umm..what’s funny is you told us a beautiful woven story. Would you tell everybody about your actual pipeline hour of your daughter?

Jenelle :Umm..sure. I..umm….I have actually into beauty clean pretty much my whole life.I wanted to start a beauty line. Actually, right before..Umm..I found that I was pregnant with her.

Once I was pregnant. I was tired & lazy that I did not do anything.

Umm..ha ha ha…

Soo…Umm…After that experience I was..

Just scared of everything

I had so much fear in me & Umm..once I had my son..Umm..a little bit after maybe about a year & a half..She is born a year & a half after her

Umm…I just..I kind of like started gets my Strength back…Umm..Through giving birth to him, do bring him church

Umm…through all the support..aam…helping other people as well because I was so open about happening that kept me going that I was helping people

And so…aaan…Umm…the product line came up with because I was thinking of a way to honor her & I was like in order to what should I do & I kept dreaming about this product line & what should I name it. I dropped a name, I don’t know if I want to put her name on something, its so personal.

And…Umm…The dream wouldn’t, it wouldn’t leave me but the whole experience itself pushed me towards a more holistic lifestyle.

Umm…So it was like she, the experience & her pushed to take better care of myself, to read these…Umm the labels on the back of the products. There are lot of things that we use everyday are not safe for us when we are pregnant.

Aaam…so she kind of inspired me to kind of be more anal about everything that I put on my body, everything I consume, everything I thought about. And I so don’t know, it was like one dream after the next, after the next, after the next. I am gonna do it.

And..aaam…these little recipes that I had I just started perfecting them so that I can sell them & I launched it on July,2nd of this year, which would have been her third birthday.

Wow!!!

Umm…so..you know it was kind of cool because of set of ..you know spending the whole day..just in bed crying.

I just had this out pour of support…I had like 20 something orders on the first day, which that meant a lot to me.

Shante :That was awesome!!!

Jenelle :Yeah..It was just…the whole…it was like happy tears sad tears…a whole mixture of emotions that day, it was a lot going on. But it kept me busy.

You know..Having pack all these orders up.

And things like..That’s all.

Aaa….I mean it’s been just good so far. In terms of having more people know her name & having her touch people that have never met her & never gonna get a chance to meet her.

Any closing remarks that you’d leave for parents, whether they have had a micro preemie with you or whether they have experience some kind of loss.

Any pleasant wisdom that you wana share with them or either both.

Umm….I would say…its ok to be emotional.

Umm…because a lot of times people, they don’t really understand what you’re going through & so when you cry of having a moment they don’t get it. And you don’t really get it because you are going through a lot yourself. But, its ok.

Umm..you know..If you have a micro preemie

Aaa…it’s ok to have a moment to cry like that’s a lot that you are dealing with.

You know..Seeing you baby in this state. I mean no one goes to pregnancy thinking that these things are going to happen.

So..Umm..it ok to have a moment. Although you have to be…you know you have to be strong of course but….you know I am taking a second. Its Ok.

Hey, you can cry sometimes. You are human. You have to…you know..Let that out. You might be a little angry. You might be a little sad. And you feel like you can’t say those things coz you know for whatever reason society makes it seem like you just….you have to be a robot with certain things.

But…and you have experience in loss

Umm…Just take it day by day, that’s literally all you can do. Like don’t even ..Don’t think too far into the future. Just try to get through each day.

Aaam…I am always about having something around that reminds me of my daughter. Because…like I said…sometimes I mind which should mean that thinking that….she does exist.

So, you know…I have like her earning like there I can see it. It doesn’t make me sad. I know…I know like she is here. I have like her little memory box. I have her mimic you & her hand prang things like that…you know. Speak you child’s name like…this is your child.

This is the person that existed doesn’t matter how short of a time, how tiny they were.

Umm…this is your child & they..they exist. So don’t let anyone tell you to ____…I know lots of people really don’t understand it.

Aaa…like I hate when people say Gracen is my first child, he is my son. He is not my first child.I gave birth to a boy. He has a birth certificate & she has a death certificate like….she is my first boy. He is my second. You Know.

And, he is only one now. He is almost two but he is going to know that he has a big sister…it happened.

Its not gonna…its not like a..you know aaa….saying. Yea!!

But…she exits & she is the reason why my husband & I have more diverge to a lot of things that we wouldn’t have done before.

So, he is going to always know. He has a big sister & you know…that’s it what it is….I know like a mom she does accept kindness for her daughter, she wished she had still born.Umm…so she does things like she would pay for the food that behind her things. Things like that.

Umm..She‘d say in the name of her daughter that passes. Its kind of like she is able to touch people without actually being here.

So know..find whatever works for you. Don’t let tell anyone that you are weird. You know just…you know…if you wanna pray ..you know…talk to your child at night..do that. You want to write them letters they will a part of your life forever.

Don’t let anyone..aa..tell you how to breathe. Your child, if you do, it’s your loss. I mean…there is no book written on it. You just have to kind of figure it out.

Shante:Thank You very much Jenelle for sharing your story. It was wonderful talking to you. Again, remember the domain one product. You have a website.

Umm..Sure. All the products are available at www.jolieroom.com

For 2015, I am working on putting together where a non-profit, So that I can help parents who have experience a loss of a infant. But I’ll have more details on it later.

But, we are gonna have a foundation put together & that way when a product is purchased it will automatically, a portion automatically goes to charity as well.

So, the products are great. Definitely, spreading awareness but I feel I need to do more. So, I am in a process of putting together a non-profit.

Wonderful! We’ll goodnight everybody. Thank you guys for joining us for this episode of ” Parent 2 Parent”

Thanks You JenelleThank You

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